My Heart

Do you know that I see you now, when I close my eyes?

I couldn't ask for a more pleasant view behind these eyelids…

I've been watching All the Light We Cannot See. I'll try not to spoil anything if you haven't seen it (or read the book), but…

There's a scene where the primary character is being told about another character, a person she hasn't met yet… The significance is implied but doesn't become completely clear until later, but… the camera focuses on her face, and her expression…

She's realizing that she knows the person who is being spoken of, who she is about to meet. Has heard his voice on shortwave radio.

And I wonder… since I'm pretending that you're here and have found me…

Was there a day, perhaps a year or two ago, where you had that exact same expression on your face?

The wonder… the amazement…

Wondering, could this universe really be so crazy? So… small?

Could it really be fate?

Do you know that I hope so? I have always hoped so, from my very first post in USL… Just like all of us fools who post there (or used to), I'm sure… The letters remain unsent for a reason, but… if only… if… maybe…

I hope you would know… well… so many things…

But today, I hope you would know that if I haven't written in a few days, it isn't because I'm not thinking of you… I am always thinking of you, ⭐️. Probably too much. Probably more than you would actually want me to. Always. Always. You never, ever, ever leave my mind…

But, sometimes there's too much going on. Sometimes some… plumbing emergency or something has my attention. Sometimes I'm afraid my frustration with other things will come through too much. Sometimes…

Sometimes I'm just feeling it too much. My love for you burning through my soul so very thoroughly that I just… can't… Where even trying to put it into words… Even just to throw them out into the void as I do…

Sometimes, I just can't. It's too much. Too hard to articulate. All that would come out of these fingers would be noise. The noise of love, absolute true love, intense and laser-focused on a single subject: you… but noise nonetheless.

I've never exaggerated when I've said I didn't know it was possible to love like this. You are so, so thoroughly in my heart that you might as well be my heart.

You, ⭐️.

You have become my heart.

I miss you. I love you. I can't wait to hear your voice again. Gods, I need it.

Yours.

So, so unbelievably yours.